Coming to Terms
by ac-the-brain-supreme
Summary: Part 2:...with your Sexuality. Uryuu has some trouble with what his heart is telling him.
1. Part 1: with the Confession

_This was originally posted on LJ, so if it seems familiar, that's where it's from._

_Anyway, this is my first Bleach fanfiction and I wrote it approxamately 3 hours after first meeting Ishida. (I WOOOVE YOU I-SHI-DAAAA!) It pretty much chronicles their lives together as a couple and how they overcome challenges and all that jazz. Except I shall be adding as much ANGST!!! as I possibly can, because I just love the ANGST!!!_

_Well, that's it for the explanation. Please enjoy and review when you are done._

**The closest AC has ever come to owning Bleach is the Clorox in the basement.**

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The three words that came from his mouth were probably some of the most shocking things Uryuu had ever heard. So shocking, in fact, that he couldn't help but just stand and stare at the orange-haired boy. He felt his heart beat blood into every pore and pocket of his body, making his finers tingle and ears heat up. Thank God they were under his hair. He didn't want Ichigo to see what his confession was doing to him.

"What...did you say?" Uryuu asked.

Ichigo shuffled uncomfortably. "I...uh...I said that I love you." There was a blush growing on Ichigo's face. His eyes were focused on the floor.

Uryuu blinked. "Oh..." he said. "I thought that's what you said."

There was silence.

"So..." Ichigo said, leaving Uryuu's end open.

"So" Uryuu repeated. He honestly had nothing to say to Ichigo. Which was weird. Uryuu put his hands in his pant's pockets and turned around, his back facing Ichigo. Uryuu didn't make it five steps before he was pulled back by Ichigo, who then shoved the Quincy against the nearest wall, hands balled in the collar of his shirt.

"What the hell? Aren't you going to say anything?" Ichigo asked.

Uryuu could feel the emotion riding out on the same waves as Ichigo's spirit energy. It felt like worry, anxiety, and fear. Uryuu kept his face as emotionless as he could. Uryuu just stared at Ichigo, not wanting to respond, not willing to respond, to a question he had no answer to.

Ichigo's expression softened, the enternal wrinkles in his brow dissappearing. His hands unclenched and fell from Uryuu's collar, instead falling and sitting on the thin, blue-eyed boy's chest. Ichigo closed his eyes and leaned in close, nostrils flaring at the scent of the Quincy, hands burning at the feeling of his even breathing and increasing heartbeat, and ears flushing at the sound of Uryuu whispering his name before Ichigo's lips brushed over his, questioning. Then, he pressed their two mouths together in an action that Ichigo had once seen as a far-away dream.

Uryuu froze, his muscles not reacting to the messages that his brain was sending them. Though, he wasn't sure if his brain was sending them any messages in the first place. That must've been why he just stood there, feeling a shinigami kiss him with such a tenderness that made Uryuu completely speachless.

After a few more seconds, Ichigo slowly parted their lips. He moved his face away from Uryuu's and stared at him.

They didn't break eye contact for almost a minute. They didn't move, they didn't think, it seemed like they didn't even breathe.

Then, finally, Uryuu made the initiative to say something. "Ichigo..."

Ichigo felt his heart skip. Uryuu never, if ever, used his name. "Uryuu..." Ichigo whispered back. He spread his fingers over Uryuu's chest, feeling the warmth that was trapped under the white shirt he was wearing.

"Ichigo!" Ichigo felt himself be pushed away by the boy he had trapped against the wall before the Quincy sprinted off in the direction opposite of Rukia's calls for the substitute shinigami. Ichigo watched as the boy ran off, before looking back for Rukia.

(----------)

Uryuu pressed his back into the door of his apartment. His hands were covering his mouth. His entire body was shaking and his chest heaved to catch the breath he couldn't claim when he had been running. Uryuu's back slid down, slowly sitting himself down on the floor in front of the threshold to this private sanctuary where he all the time in the world to figure out what had just happened.

He knew the basics. Ichigo found him afterschool and convinced him to stop and talk to him. Uryuu obliged. He listened as Ichigo rambled about something that made absolutely no sense, until he stopped, restarted, and confessed. Not sure how to respond, he tried to walk away, but Ichigo brought him back and...

Uryuu's face turned crimson. His lips were trembling from the feeling of cold as he pulled his hands away. At least, that's what he told himself. His lips weren't the only things on his body trembling, though, and he was perfectly warm. Maybe even a little over-heated.

He gripped his head. Ichigo kissed him. Ichigo kissed him. Ichigo kissed him...

He couldn't seem to get that out of his head. He had been kissed by someone he had once considered an enemy. Of course, that was long ago. They had definitely become closer since their first meeting. Close enough, apparently, for Ichigo to become attracted to Uryuu and to...fall...in...

Uryuu clenched his eyes. He whimpered. What's going on with him? What's he going to do? He didn't understand anything anymore. He didn't understand what was going on between him and Ichigo. He couldn't help but admit that, yes, at times, he would look at Ichigo and reflect on how handsome he was. He would sometimes find in the crafts store a thread that was the same color as Ichigo's hair and buy it, even though it was almost completely useless to him. He would sometimes find himself become angry whenever Rukia pulled Ichigo away from him, even if all they were doing was fighting.

Something cold rose in Uryuu's stomach. His eyes snapped open as his hands fell from his head. He didn't push Ichigo away from him until he heard Rukia's voice. And he was completely conscious of what was happening around him, too. So he could've, if he wanted to. If he really, really wanted to, he could have told Ichigo to go find another boy to slobber over.

But, if he had, then he would've had to see Ichigo's handsome face twist in heartbreak. He would've had nightmares of Ichigo sobbing away his pain, as loud and clear as if he was lying right next to Uryuu. He would've had to suffer through day after day of knowing that Ichigo wasn't the person he used to be. There wouldn't be anymore arguments, no hearing Ichigo's voice.

Uryuu held a hand over his heart as he came to a conclusion: he lo--...had equally as strong feelings towards Ichigo.

Uryuu sighed. Now that he's figured that out, what was he going to do with Ichigo?

(----------)

It hurt so much to see him like this. It made his heart feel like it had been ripped from his chest. No, worse. It made him feel like he had just seen him die in the most pathetic, integrity-stealing way.

But, it had to be done.

It had taken Uryuu a long time to come to a conclusion about him and Ichigo. Whether or not to pursue these feelings, what these feelings could actually mean, what it would do to his and Ichigo's life, so on and so forth, all went under Uryuu's microscope. But everytime he thought of these things, his emotions would cloud his judgment. His heart would urge Uryuu to follow this passion, saying it was probably one of the few chances he could ever find that would lead him to happiness.

But Quincy pride stepped in. It told him that the idea of a relationship with another male was dirty, disgusting. It would betray his roots. It could possibly bring the end of his people.

So that's why, the next day, with as cold a face as he could create while his heart was falling to pieces, Uryuu told Ichigo the most lies he had ever told anyone at once.

"That..._love_...you say you have for me has to be the most repulsive thing I've ever imagined" he started off, almost spitting at the word "love". "It's perverse, disturbed, and wrong." He had to look away now, so as to look at him, which would break his mask and release his almost-uncontrollable sobs. "You're probably the last person I could ever imagine loving."

He waited then, exposing himself to torture, half as punishment and half to make things a little more realistic. He didn't stay long, though. Uryuu tried to quickly make an exit, but it was fruitless.

"No."

Uryuu stopped walking. He wanted to turn around and see what Ichigo was denying.

"No, you're lying" the orange-haired boy insisted. "You liked what happened yesterday."

Uryuu's lips pursued together. He stayed silent, then tried to walk away again. That's when he felt his a tug on his shirt, pulling him back to face Ichigo. The temporary shinigami was crying, though Uryuu doubted that he knew he was crying. His brow was scrunched in anger, and he was baring his white teeth. Ichigo's hands closed around Uryuu's shoulders. The boy's lips trembled as he said softly, hotly, "You liked yesterday, dammit! You liked it."

Uryuu felt his heart plummet. Ichigo wasn't saying that to convince Uryuu, he was saying it to convince himself. He must have reasoned that the reason Uryuu had stayed was because he had liked the kiss between the two of them. He must have been so sure in that dream of his that they were meant to be together that this blow, this massive lie, must've shook him so much that he was groping for even the tiniest strings of hope. Because if he believed, then that meant that it was true.

"Kurosaki" Uryuu said, a little frightened.

Ichigo bent his head, body still shaking. "No" he repeated. "Ichigo." He lifted his head, and said, "You called me Ichigo yesterday." Then, the orange-haired boy smashed his mouth into Ishida's.

This kiss was _nothing_ like the one from the day before. Far, far from it. The one from the day before spoke to Ishida the immeasurable amounts of passion, emotion, _love_ that Ichigo had towards Uryuu in just one simple, soft action. It was a true, loving kiss. This, though, was nothing like a real kiss. This was forced, angry, painful. This mock-kiss was the stuff of rage and denial and desperation. It did not say, "I love you." It said, "I love you, please love me back." It was a pathetic excuse of intimacy.

It made Uryuu cry.

The Quincy made the effort to push Ichigo off of him. He wiped his mouth and his wettening cheeks. "That was..." Uryuu said, truthfully, "_horrible_!"

He heard Ichigo fall to his knees. Uryuu looked, though it went against what he was supposed to be doing here. He shouldn't show compassion, just indifference and disgust. Looking meant compassion, care. Not looking meant hate.

Ichigo was still crying, though he still didn't know it. He was mumbling to himself the words that Uryuu supposed were keeping him sane. "You liked yesterday. You liked it when I kissed you. I saw it in your eyes. I heard it in your voice. I...I couldn't have just made all that stuff up. There was something there, something real. I know there was..." Ichigo looked up at Uryuu. "You liked it. I know you did."

There was a pause between the two, then, "Uryuu...you're crying."

Uryuu shook his head. "No...I-I'm not" he said, voice cracking.

Ichigo got up, brow furrowed but otherwise, his expression was loving. He reached out to Uryuu. Uryuu took a step back, but once Ichigo placed gentle hands on him, the retreat stopped. "Stop lying, Uryuu." The tip of Ichigo's nose brushed against Uryuu's. His hands moved to Uryuu's shoulder blades. "It's not working anymore."

Uryuu's body worked on its own from that moment on. He didn't control his arms as they raised, placing themselves around Ichigo's neck. He didn't control his head as it rested against the orange-haired boy's shoulder. He didn't shy away as Ichigo lifted his head. He didn't push the other boy away as he felt Ichigo softly press their lips together in that same paralyzing kiss that Uryuu had melted under the day before.

Well...that did not go as Uryuu planned, but he doubted he would be complaining later.


	2. Part 2: with your Sexuality

_wheee! tis the next chapter! _

_Okay, i just read over the reviews again, and holy crap. I made people cry. That is so AWESOME!_

_I hope this chapter elicits the same reactions!_

**AC does not own this. Not the story...the characters _in_ the story. she doesn't own them...yeah...**

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Uryuu held his position, his right arm stretched out and his left bent back, the blue arrow glowing in his hands and casting its ghostly blue light on Uryuu's pale face, making it seem like he was sickly. Uryuu's eyes were trained on Ichigo as he danced against the Hollow that they had stumbled upon. Uryuu burned every twist the red-head's body made, every jump, every unplanned and almost messy swing of his arms; it was all so beautiful.

Uryuu's stomach twisted. Did he just call Ichigo..._beautiful_? Uryuu resisted the urge to shake his head, not while Rukia was standing to his right and Kon a few feet back. They would notice. They would ask questions. He didn't want that. He didn't need that. At least not in the early stages of his and Ichigo's relationship.

But still...Uryuu couldn't help but notice the agility Ichigo displayed. It was impressive. It wasn't anything Uryuu had ever seen before in another boy.

The Hollow fell, dissappeaing before it even hit the ground. Ichigo huffed and puffed, his back slightly bent. Then he stood, and turned around, facing his friends. His eyes and Uryuu's met and stuck.

Uryuu felt his heart beat faster. His breathing almost stopped. The way Ichigo looked right now...right after a fight...so determined and passionate...he was...he was...

Uryuu dropped his arms, as well as his head, letting the light glare off of his glasses. He pushed the bridge of his glasses up. Uryuu tried to make the twists in his gut undo themselves, tried to will them away, but it was hard. Not while he could feel Ichigo's heated eyes on him. Those deep, dark, emotional brown eyes.

Uryuu heard Rukia walk up and congratulate Ichigo. He stayed behind to look at his boyfriend from a controllable distance.

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Uryuu hadn't been looking for it originally. He'd been looking for something else...homogenous, was it? He didn't remember now...all he had to do was look at that word and he was frozen. He reread the definition over and over again until it was burned into his mind; until it rung inside him long after the book had been closed:

_ho-mo-sex-u-al-i-ty (hoh-m_uh_-sek-shoo-__**al**__-i-tee, _or_, -seks-yoo-) __**n.**__, sexual desire or behavior directed toward a person or persons or one's own sex._

Uryuu had closed the book on his thumb, keeping the page of the dreaded word. He didn't know why he had such a problem with it. After all, Uryuu was a homosexual.

The book was flipped open and the next word was found:

_ho-mo-sex-u-al (hoh-m_uh_**sek**__-shoo-uhl,_ or_**seks**__-yoo-) __**adj.**__ 1. of, pertaining to, or exhibiting homosexuality 2. of, pertaining to, or noting the same sex __**n.**__ 3. a homosexual person._

Uryuu's gut twisted nauseously. There was no reason to be ashamed of the person he liked, he told himself. Ichigo was a good person, despite his more notable faults. He was smart, passionate, loyal, an extremely good fighter and one of the best allies (friend, really) that Uryuu had ever known.

So why was it that when Uryuu thought of the way his heart burned for Ichigo and the way his stomach tightened for Ichigo that feelings of guilt and disgrace would soon follow?

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The next day, Ichigo came over to Uryuu's apartment. Uryuu had offered Ichigo some tea and asked him to sit down and make himself comfortable. Ichigo agreed to tea and sat down on one of the island's barstools, staring at Uryuu as he made the tea.

Uryuu hadn't heard Ichigo get up and cross over to him. He had felt his aura, but assumed it was just the nature of Ichigo's spirit energy at work; it coming out in waves, like crappy television reception, until it finally fills the area Ichigo is occupying. Uryuu didn't think Ichigo had moved until he felt two hands lay against his upper arms and felt the touch of Ichigo's wonderful lips against the back of his head.

Uryuu's instinct was to relax into the warm body behind him. He stopped himself before he did, though. Instead, Uryuu stood where he was, allowing Ichigo to rub his hand up and down Uryuu's arms, nuzzling and laying simple kisses against his head.

"Ichigo" Uryuu said.

"Yes?"

Uryuu's eyes focused on their reflection in the teapot. "When did you start liking boys?"

Ichigo stopped rubbing Uryuu's shoulders. He moved his head so that it was now sitting on Ichigo's shoulder. He met Uryuu's eyes in the teapot. "What?"

"When did you start liking boys?" Uryuu repeated.

Ichigo shrugged. "I don't like boys."

Uryuu didn't know whether he should feel insulted or throw the dictionary at Ichigo and instruct him to open the page with the Post-It notes. "What do you mean you don't like boys?"

"I mean I don't like boys."

Uryuu closed his eyes. "Ichigo, _I'm_ a boy."

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, since you like me, that means you like boys."

Ichigo shook his head. "I don't like boys."

Uryuu rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You're not making sense."

Ichigo pulled away. Uryuu turned around and looked at Ichigo, he was leaning against the island nose, one leg crossed over the other, a finger scratching the inside of his left ear. "You're the one that's not making sense."

Uryuu crossed his arms. "How am I not making sense?" he asked calmly, successfully hiding the frustration that was boiling inside him. "You're the one saying that you don't like boys to the boy you are currently seeing."

"You're not making sense because you're asking questions that I've already answered." Ichigo sighed and crossed his arms. "Geez...and I thought you were smart."

The corner of Uryuu's eyebrow twitched. "Would you mind explaining why you can like me but not like boys?"

"You just said it: I like you, but I don't like boys." Noticing the frustration that Uryuu's twitching eyebrow was relating, Ichigo continued. "I'm not attracted to boys. I'm not even attracted to girls. I'm attracted to you and only you. That doesn't mean I like all boys. It means that I'm attracted to a person who just so happens to be a boy."

As much as Uryuu tried to keep it off his face, the shock nestled itself into his expression. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Does it have to?" Ichigo asked with a shrug.

"It should."

"Well, it doesn't, so that's that." Ichigo scratched the back of his head. He stopped, as if thinking. Then, he looked up, curiosity evident. "Why'd you ask, anyway?"

Uryuu's face looked to the ground. "Why do you have to know?"

"You're my boyfriend, Uryuu." Ichigo's fingertips adjusted Uryuu's head, so that they were looking straight into each other's eyes. "I have as much a right to know what's bothering you as you have to know what's up with my sexuality."

Uryuu's eyes darted to the side. "I don't want to talk about it."

Ichigo's thumb stroaked his cheek. "It would make me happy if you did."

Uryuu deadpanned, "That's not convincing."

Ichigo's hands fell to Uryuu's hips and pulled him close, so that they were flush against each other. Uryuu blinked, eyes staring into Ichigo's. That warm twisty feeling spread from Uryuu's gut as those eyes of Ichigo's stared into his. Those passionate eyes. Uryuu could feel the creases in Ichigo's brow. "Uryuu," Ichigo said, "do you like me?"

Uryuu nodded, eyes not leaving Ichigo's.

"Do you like me a lot?"

Again, Uryuu nodded.

"Then what's the problem?"

Uryuu wanted to tell him that it was wrong for two boys to like each other like this. They would be shunned from school, their friends, their family, society..._everything_. Their names would be said with disgrace. They would have to watch out not only for Hollows, but also for homophobics who wanted nothing more than to scare then straight. Or worse.

There were so many things, so many problems that Uryuu could list off.

But Ichigo was kissing Uryuu again, and all those problems fell to the back of Uryuu's mind.

Ichigo's hand brushed against Uryuu's cheek as he pulled far enough away to whisper to him. "You don't have to worry, Uryuu. I'll make sure no one ever hurts you." _No one_, Ichigo thought as he pulled Uryuu close.

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_that's chapter 2! I hope you enjoyed!_


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